“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

-- Buddha, Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta

Day 95 AS

What a lucky woman I am!! I feel most fortunate, and grateful there for.

Total food freedom day has arrived. I can now eat anything, even raw vegies and fruit, so salads are now officially back in the mix. I still have problems if I exceed my capacity, but now can have a LITTLE sugar and fat too -- moderation in all things, even moderation.

Christmas yesterday was wonderful. Santa was more than kind. John, on his behalf, provided some photography motivation in the form of a fabulous new macro lens for my big Canon SLR camera and a handgrip add-on for my little Leica. We had a lovely Christmas Eve celebration the night before with wonderful friends and family. My first one with "forced" moderation and it was OK!! I consumed half of a Triscuit with the most amazing mushroom pate that John made -- it was OMG delicious!! Made with porcinis, chanterelles, almonds and cream -- truly delightful. Later I had 3-1/2 Swedish meatballs and a couple of bites of Honey-baked ham (thanks to Fern for reminding me to slow down my eating process and to chew chew chew!!). I passed on all of the herring and other fish, meats and cheeses this year, but I heard rave reviews for John's chef skills, well supplemented by his sous-chef Roger. There is still a ton left, so I suspect I'll nibble on an item or two here or there over the next couple of weeks. The gravlax I'm told set new records for wonderfulness. John attributes it to the extra aquavit he used in the curing process. Of course no aquavit, beer or glogg for me this year -- but John did find a nice still bottled fancy water that I enjoyed immensely, along with the smell of the glogg spices.

Health wise all continues to go well. I saw my internist last week and am now down officially 130 pounds since that scary April high weight -- another 70 would be lovely if I can do it. I'm still plagued by lack of motivation to exercise and know I need to find a way to get into it. Ugh. That's the only way I'm going to do another 70 though I know. My internist also noted I have a ton of nervous energy now (weird to have any kind of energy I must confess after so many years with none!!) and suggested I look into some kind of meditation. There's a Buddhist temple in the hills about 20 miles from here. Her husband took a class there and really enjoyed it so I may check it out. The only issue I have with it is that it's Thursday evenings from 7:30-9:30 and I turn into a pumpkin at 9. We'll see!!

The gout finally seems to be under some degree of control -- yay. I can actually wear soft leather shoes again without wanting to scream in pain by the end of the day. My blood pressure is awesome -- no more dizziness or exhaustion. Cholesterol's a little high, but all my docs are attributing this to the period of rapid weight loss -- all that fat floating around in my blood instead of settling into my body waiting for excretion apparently. My blood sugar's still a little high, but my endocrinologist increased my oral med dose and it's almost right now... One oral med vs. the olden days of two plus max dose of insulin is quite a wonderful change in my mind -- one I could be happy with forever if we don't get any better than today's med routine. Of course, this is another big reason to psych up for the dreaded exercise thing -- that would help both the cholesterol and the blood sugar.

All in all, although this hasn't been my favorite year, I have to say it's been a good one for me. I'm so glad I made the decision to have the surgery. There are times I emotionally wish I could just sit down and eat a ton of some wonderful thing or the other, but the physical difference in my digestive system prevents me from making that bad choice. Feeling so much better, and having so many dramatic improvements in my overall health have definitely been worth the (fortunately fairly infrequent) moments of longing for the olden days. The other awesome benefit is the improvement in John's longevity that's followed -- he's lost a lot of weight trying to help me eat more healthily and looks great!! We're going to have to save our pennies in the first months of the year to buy both of ourselves new wardrobes. :)