Both Sides Now

"Something's lost but something's gained in living every day."

An amazing milestone I never thought I'd meet if I live to be 100 occurred today: a medical doctor told me to stop losing weight! Talk about an alternate reality. It's been almost half a century since doctors first started telling me to lose weight... I was reminded that the formula works both ways - the calories in and out ratio matters whether you're trying to gain, lose, or as in my case now, maintain weight. I feel pretty stable now - it's been about a month now since I've lost any weight, so I'm not worried, but he told me that I'll have to add more calories to my diet if I do start to lose any more. I still can't quite wrap my head around this - I wonder if the planets are out of alignment again? ;)

My labs came back great once again this quarter. The A1C hit another wonderful new low of 5.6. I see my endocrinologist in a couple of weeks. He's very conservative so I doubt that he'll let me cut back on my diabetes med any more at this time, but who knows? Perhaps he will. I'm beginning to think perhaps I will be off it altogether some day - not a thought that I've ever really dared to believe... but strange things do seem to be happening. And my thyroid is normal too - good news since we cut that med back last quarter also.

Triglycerides are almost exactly the same - just a wee bit above normal. My LDL/HDL ratio is awesome and showing "below average risk" and my cholesterol/HDL ratio is showing "low risk" now. Numbers can be good, can't they.

Total weight loss on the record now is 256 pounds. That's down 2 pounds in the last ~3 months, so more evidence that things have stabilized. This is good news! I don't think I'd know what to do with myself if any more bones start to show in unexpected places on this crazy new body of mine.

I'm finally feeling like I will come close to, if not meet, a full recovery from last June's fall now too. I am back to walking half an hour without pain and since I started seeing a chiropractor my lower back pain is less frequent and less intense. I truly didn't think those adjustments were likely to help, but it does seem that they are. It's all good. Hopefully this progress will continue.

Food consumption gets easier and easier - and accordingly a bit scarier too. I still have to be careful not to eat too fast, too much, or too fatty, but I can eat just about anything now. The scary part is that I really do need to exercise the habits that I was forced into that first year by myself now. Wow - kind of like a "normal" person - how do you all do this? It's not easy, is it?

Exercise is still a 4-letter word, (I know, not literally), but it is a lot easier now. I'm walking 5 days a week, doing non-impact aerobics one day a week and beginner yoga one day a week. I find myself half-way looking forward to the events even. Another alternate reality moment when I catch myself doing so.

I have been enjoying Sunday bake-athons. I try to make a batch of muffins and a batch of cookies or some other sweet treat every week so there's a more nutritious alternative than what we can find in the average market or bakery for my sweet tooth. I've discovered lots of fun wheat-flour alternatives with more protein and lower glycemic indices. I've given up on crisp baked goods with those ingredients, but if you're into moist complex flavors in your desserts there's a lot to be said for them.

So, you may ask me whether or not a year and a half post-op do I still think it's been worth it? If you do, I'll give you a resounding absolutely! Walking, talking and breathing at the same time are good things. Being able to take public transportation to work is a good thing. Not being able to eat a vast quantity of food isn't so bad... not being able to drink wine is so much less of a challenge than I expected it to be. I've gained so much more than I've lost (weight being the exception of course!) that I have no complaints.

Thanks for your continuing support! I've always loved "Both Sides Now" - there are two sides to everything, aren't there? The older I get, the more I understand this.

Both Sides Now - Lyrics by Joni Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.